Hi!
Indati kembali dengan tulisan acak-acakannya~~
ok. judul postingan kali ini adalah 'Stress Level' yang merujuk pada level stress orang yang berbeda-beda. iya. nyatanya emang gitu. kadang ada aja orang yang dengan entengnya bilang, "ya ampun gitu aja dipikirin" atau "ah elah lebay amat kaya gitu dipikir ampe stress" tanpa tahu bahwa level stress tiap orang itu beda. garis bawahi kata beda. BEDA. setiap orang punya masalah yang berbeda dan nggak seharusnya orang lain malah nyinyir sama hal itu. akhir-akhir ini banyak banget kasus bunuh diri yang di ekspos media. why suicide?? apa lagi jawabannya kalo bukan karena stress. bedanya dengan kalian yang sama sekali ga pernah mikir untuk bunuh diri adalah, kembali lagi, level stress yang berbeda-beda. bisa juga karena faktor lain dimana orang yang merasa stress berat itu bener-bener ga punya teman untuk berbagi. i dont know how that feels but im sure it is so depressing as well.
ngomong-ngomong soal bunuh diri. once... er.. twice actually, i was thought about suicide, but the second one is more serious than the first one. i am not trying to be a dramatic person but this is the bitter fact of my past. semua berawal ketika skripsi hadir :")) awal ngerjain skripsi ya masih biasa lah stressnya ngga terlalu. lama-kelamaan ketika ditengah ngerjakan, ada pengumuman dimana deadline skripsi bener-bener mepet. disitu udah mulai tertekan banget sampe di mana aku ngomong itu ke Ayah. I was told my problem to my dad in hopes that he'll gave me strength by supporting me, but, unfortunately, my expectation was too high. i dont konw what happen. my dad is a funny person and supportive as well, but i dont know why at that time he acts that way. me, who suffered as well by my thesis and the deadline, getting more suffered by my dad's reaction. i want to make him proud but in the other side i hate his reaction about my problem. this is depressed as well. his word was like a sharp knife and i became more depressed. there were many occasion where i sat alone in my house' corner while thinking how i ended my life. should i do it with knife, or should i jump from the house' second floor. bener-bener udah mikir caranya tapi kemudian inget saya adalah orang yang cemennya minta ampun. but i really cant endure the pain in my heart. but, fortunately i have my friends, my mom and my siblings as well. i never told about suicide plan with my family including my mom and my sibling, i know they'll worried about me if i told so. i told my friend about it, my friend laughing at me. its not a joyful laugh or an insult laugh. my friend was laugh in order to make me feel comfortable. she tried to make me looks unpitiful. while said, "ndat, your dad will ber more sad if you choose to do that". i think about it. but it doesnt enough to stop me. but then, someday, one of my friends has sent me a video where it said, "Allah menjanjikan kebahagiaan dibalik sebuah kesusahan". i cried. what i've thought about. one step closer to graduation but i have thought about suicide is kind of shame. i started to work even harder. life has tested me. it was not easy but, fortunately, God helped me by presented some supportive people arround me. my friends, my thesis advisor, my family.
and where the day has came, the day where i ended my thesis thing. i was being the happiest person in the world as many of my friends were came to my thesis-defense day. i received a lot of flowers and presents from my friends. it was one of the things that makes me happy since i am actually the kind of person who rarely get some presents from other people. hahahahahaa. maybe thats why i am so happy when i got some presents that my friend have bought to me. then, the night after my thesis-defense day ended, i put the presents all of my friend have bought in front of me and watch them one by one. i cried a lot. watching their presents, makes my heart trembling and i regret that i ever had the thought of suicide. i have many people who loves me. by that night, i promise to myself that i will never had the thought of suicide even if that thought is as small as an ant (?) hahahahahahah
yap. what we can learn through the story above, it is important to talk with others while you have pressured by anything! just talk about it comfortly with your closest friend. it helps u anyway. yeah maybe there are many other case, but from my experience, a friend might help you from the suffer you had. i know that feeling as well. i understand how the lonely feeling it gave to me. dont lock yourself in your room, instead, tried to get fresh air, talk with your closest friend, and the most important thing is dont let the negative thoughts of dominated your mind. and always remember that God is always beside you. it is important since your faith will guide you. the stronger your faithfulness, the stronger your positive mind. for those who suffering, you're not alone. and many people succesfully fight it. you can do it too!! it is important to note that suicide couldnt ended your suffer. it doesnt help you at all. so, lets keep fight for the good life!
